The Covert Killer of Relationships

How to avoid this pitfall and improve your relationships.

When our free time becomes hallmarked by someone else and isn’t appreciated, a slow feeling of resentment grows.

Time is precious. We know that. We get upset if someone disrupts our time by being late to meet us or rearranges appointments. When people we care about don’t make time for us, we feel less valued. We appreciate it when our friends and family with very busy schedules prioritise us when they could be with their children or working on their new business.

Everything becomes a compromise, and individuality and respect of each other’s personal space start to erode.

Issues can arise when one or both partners start to think that all their free time should now be shared and spent together. Personal breathing space diminishes. Everything becomes a compromise, and individuality and respect of each other’s personal space start to erode. The time when there were invitations to be with one another has disappeared.

The simple words “Can I join you?” shows respect for an indivudual’s space.

But when a dissatisfied partner is asked if there was a certain point when they started to feel pessimistic about the relationship, they are likely unable to pinpoint when as these kinds of mental shifts and changes in behaviour happen subtly.

When time is not expected and given from a genuine want of connection, this is when unexpected magic has space to enter our relationships, and our connections strengthen.

Sometimes I just want to watch an easy show on Netflix and mindlessly scroll through my Instagram without talking to anyone. I don’t want to discuss what documentary to watch or feel like I should be having a quality conversation with my partner, and I know this works both ways. If my partner or anyone invites themselves into my space doing that time, I feel agitated.

Freelance writer. You can find me reading under a palm tree in Rio de Janeiro. E-mail: nikola.grace.radley@gmail.com

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